Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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