im drinking this country out of the recession.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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