so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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