What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
