Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
