you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
