My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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