Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
