Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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