If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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