My friends, they love my intelligence
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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