Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
