I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Are we still banned from the library?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
