just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
