You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You dont lie about slip and slides
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
