Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
