its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
