Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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