Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
