is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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