put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dignity is for republicans.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
