i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
