he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
