She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
