Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
