Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
