i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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