Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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