If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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