i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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