I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
