Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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