Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
