I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
