Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
