I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
