dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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