Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
