just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is Oprah even human
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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