i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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