I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
