90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
