i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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