My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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