Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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