JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
