I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
