What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
