you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
