if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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