i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
