my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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