you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
