so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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